I want to have your abortion
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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