ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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