when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
