If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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