everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
