he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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