Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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