I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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