Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
