my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
