and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize