I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
time to smoke my breakfast
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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