brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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