He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
