i love accidental penises.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
