dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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