This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
