His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize