I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
