escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize