Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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