I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize