Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
