Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
