"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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