I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
