Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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