apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
