This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
