Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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