He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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