We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
