I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
