Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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