It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize