I just threw up on my dentist
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
