the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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