Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
