he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sorry about my life...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
