I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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