He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
