I just saw a hot homeless man
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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