I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
