I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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