ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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