I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
