she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
