drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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