at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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