I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
