It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
