The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize