i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
