I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
