just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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