I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
