Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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