so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
