and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
