I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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