half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
