I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
