you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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