Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
