if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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