She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
