a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
