I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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