Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
