I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
