Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize