I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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