There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
