i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
