Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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