Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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