you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
