Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
